I haven’t written much this year about living with a husband with a traumatic brain injury. The truth is – I haven’t had much come up to share. Every time I sat down to compose a “message” nothing would come through. Typical case of writer’s block I guess. At first this was frustrating and then I decided to just let it be and if a pertinent message came through I would write about it. Then, lo and behold, this holiday season I realized that there is something that I can offer. The following comprises a summary of all the lessons I’ve learned about living with someone with a traumatic brain injury (TBI). Realize as you are reading that this is my experience, as I have experienced it. Take what you get. Don’t take what you don’t get:
Full acceptance of your particular circumstance with TBI comes when you least expect it – this is a good thing. What this means is that it will happen when you have fully relaxed into what I’ve termed “new normal” – to the point that your life situation is no longer new. It now is simply normal. You can’t really predict when this will be for it will occur when you are ready. And this readiness isn’t something you can force.
The timing of full acceptance occurring is individual. I can’t tell you when it is going to happen. I can’t even tell you IF it will happen – this piece is solely up to you. There is no outward force, philosophy or approach that will make this happen for you. It will and does only happen when you are ready.
The key is to accept. When I say “accept”, I don’t mean you have to like the situation. It simply means that you realize fully within yourself that it is what it is. You can’t change the circumstances – make it different from what it is. In fact, when this occurs, you will have dropped the compulsion to change and fix. Again – this is a very good thing as you will have made peace with it and with you.
You are not to blame for this. We don’t really know why these things happen. You can spend a lifetime trying to figure it out but you probably won’t get too far. Yes, it is unreasonable. But the fact is, it happened and here you are now. Your job from this point forward is to take responsibility for your feelings and do the best you can to find the support you need to heal and grow into this situation that life has presented to you.
Finally, you have a choice as to how you are going to live your life in this new normal circumstance. It is up to you. You can choose to be defeated and live in unhappy circumstances. Or you can choose to rise to the challenge, get the lessons being offered and grow as a better, deeper more compassionate person. Your choice to do this will bring an uplift first and foremost to you and then everyone else in your life – your world. Whether you are the one with the head injury or the loved one of someone with a head injury, if you choose this “high road” (not necessarily the easy road) you’ll come out on top. I promise. Stick with it.
I truly wish these observations to be helpful; this is what I’ve learned in my personal circumstance of living with someone with a TBI. I ask one thing though and that is that you deeply consider my words and then investigate it for yourself. How does this relate to your experience? Be with whatever comes up for you and … accept.
I wish you the very best in this coming New Year. May your life and your world be peace-filled, prosperous and happy.