Earlier this summer my husband had another automobile accident. It wasn’t serious. He was fine. And … it happened almost a year to the day of another accident in which someone t-boned him at a busy thoroughfare. His car was totaled then too. Again, he was fine. Looking back to the original accident in 1993 when he sustained a life-altering traumatic brain injury, he’s been in a total of four accidents in which his car has been totaled. With the exception of the ’93 accident, he has walked away from these subsequent accidents and moved on with his life relatively unscathed.
I, on the other hand, have found myself floundering. And this last accident pushed me over the edge. Couple its timing with some other significant life changes (son getting married, death of my mother and very close friends moving out of the area) I’ve realized a significant internal paradigm shift. My husband’s accident and his life are not my responsibility. He’s a fully capable, intelligent person. And it is time for me to turn him over to himself – allow him to be his own anchor (as I have realized for myself).
It is the right, loving and compassionate thing to do. And honestly, something I don’t know how to do. So, for now, I’m taking it step-by-step and day-by-day, letting my heart lead the way. I’m here and I’m steady. Let me be clear, my outward life looks no different. Yet my internal “life” is transformed. I hope you can get some sense of what I mean. Perhaps you have also had this experience.
Thus let me close with an overused phrase, “life is a journey”. There is no goal – there is just the ride. There is no reason – there is just the journey and the growth that comes with it. That’s it. Save yourself some time and mental anguish. Accept what has occurred in your life. Embrace the lessons, challenges and new experiences. Take it inward and share it by living with humility and courage. Be your own anchor and allow those you love to be their own as well.
At the End of Yellow Ribbons 